note: This is one of those things that have been passed around, particularly by special educators. It was written by the parent of a special needs child, author unknown. But, I think it's such a good analogy for the journey of special parenting, that I think it's worth posting here.
A Trip To Holland-Author Unknown
The experience of raising a child with a disability
When you are going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks, learn some handy Italian phrases and make wonderful plans. It's all very exciting. After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?" you say. "What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there has been a change in the flight plan. They have landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place. So you go out and buy new guidebooks and you must learn a whole new language and you will meet a whole new group of people you would have never met. It is just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But, after you have been there for a while, and you catch your breath, you look around. You begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Rebrandts and tulips. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that experience will never, ever go away. The loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you did not get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
hand in pencil
Monday, June 11, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
a horse is a horse, of course, of course....
unless your name is "Ed" and you're just a horse's ass.
i worked with a real idjut yesterday. i was subbing at one of the middle schools...7th and 8th grade, Special Education class. my first period i did inclusion with another sub, whose name was Ed. i'm sure he had a last name, but he never introduced himself to me, even when i intro'd myself. someone told me what his first name was later. so he greets me at the door, i explain who i am and who i'm subbing for. he shows me the lesson plans, mumbling the whole time bout "not wanting to glue and cut and paste" and announces we're going to go with his alternative lesson plans. those entail watching the original movie version of "Hercules". yeah. that really matches the lesson plans of rotating groups, one of which reads to themselves, the other works on the computer reading program, and the third works with the teacher on a poem created by cutting out words and phrases from the newspaper and gluing them (gluesticks not liquid glue, btw) on paper. how tough can THAT be???? not very, really. i tried to explain the process to Ed. but he cut me off. he just would NOT listen.
but, Ed couldnt get the VCR working, so he had to go ask for help. well somewhere along the way, someone told the office that he was watching a movie because the teacher hadn't left lesson plans. the teacher was in the building in a meeting. she came FLYING into the classroom, threw a box across the room, and demanded to know why we weren't following her lesson plans. i just raised my eyebrows and mouthed, "He's an idiot" yeah, so not professional, but whatever. she'd just thrown a box at the man, and he was stuttering his stupid excuse for watching a movie. the teacher leaves after her hissy fit, which included turning off the TV and shoving the lesson plans in his face. he looks at me, still sputtering. one of the kids made a smart comment bout the whole thing. i said, "as clever and amusing as that was, it's not appropriate. ok, everybody go to their rotations." and in five minutes, the class was doing what they were supposed to be doing. Ed looks at me and says, "You didn't tell me you knew what we were supposed to do." "Well, I tried. But, this is your classroom, and I'm the inclusion teacher. I'm not going to override you in your own classroom." "WHY DIDNT YOU SAY ANYTHING???" i was SO proud of myself, i did NOT raise my voice. instead, i said, "I tried to tell you, but you cut me off."
now, part of me had felt sorry for Ed. until he tried to blame me. and furthermore, he never thanked me for getting his class back on track. then, we ran into one another at lunch, and he told me that the rest of his classes weren't as good as the first class. and they just didn't "get the assignment". he went on to say that Hercules would have been a lot more useful than what they were doing. turns out that his movie, and he takes it with him, so that when he doesnt like the lesson plans, he can use that as his "alternative". sheeesh. you, Ed, are what give substitutes a lousy name.
and, yes, i know that working with idiots is inevitable. but i do NOT have to like it. :)
i worked with a real idjut yesterday. i was subbing at one of the middle schools...7th and 8th grade, Special Education class. my first period i did inclusion with another sub, whose name was Ed. i'm sure he had a last name, but he never introduced himself to me, even when i intro'd myself. someone told me what his first name was later. so he greets me at the door, i explain who i am and who i'm subbing for. he shows me the lesson plans, mumbling the whole time bout "not wanting to glue and cut and paste" and announces we're going to go with his alternative lesson plans. those entail watching the original movie version of "Hercules". yeah. that really matches the lesson plans of rotating groups, one of which reads to themselves, the other works on the computer reading program, and the third works with the teacher on a poem created by cutting out words and phrases from the newspaper and gluing them (gluesticks not liquid glue, btw) on paper. how tough can THAT be???? not very, really. i tried to explain the process to Ed. but he cut me off. he just would NOT listen.
but, Ed couldnt get the VCR working, so he had to go ask for help. well somewhere along the way, someone told the office that he was watching a movie because the teacher hadn't left lesson plans. the teacher was in the building in a meeting. she came FLYING into the classroom, threw a box across the room, and demanded to know why we weren't following her lesson plans. i just raised my eyebrows and mouthed, "He's an idiot" yeah, so not professional, but whatever. she'd just thrown a box at the man, and he was stuttering his stupid excuse for watching a movie. the teacher leaves after her hissy fit, which included turning off the TV and shoving the lesson plans in his face. he looks at me, still sputtering. one of the kids made a smart comment bout the whole thing. i said, "as clever and amusing as that was, it's not appropriate. ok, everybody go to their rotations." and in five minutes, the class was doing what they were supposed to be doing. Ed looks at me and says, "You didn't tell me you knew what we were supposed to do." "Well, I tried. But, this is your classroom, and I'm the inclusion teacher. I'm not going to override you in your own classroom." "WHY DIDNT YOU SAY ANYTHING???" i was SO proud of myself, i did NOT raise my voice. instead, i said, "I tried to tell you, but you cut me off."
now, part of me had felt sorry for Ed. until he tried to blame me. and furthermore, he never thanked me for getting his class back on track. then, we ran into one another at lunch, and he told me that the rest of his classes weren't as good as the first class. and they just didn't "get the assignment". he went on to say that Hercules would have been a lot more useful than what they were doing. turns out that his movie, and he takes it with him, so that when he doesnt like the lesson plans, he can use that as his "alternative". sheeesh. you, Ed, are what give substitutes a lousy name.
and, yes, i know that working with idiots is inevitable. but i do NOT have to like it. :)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
eight days a week...........
okay, so its been eleven since i've posted. my brain has definitely fried. i'm in one of those funky places in life where i've got so much going on, i can't decide where to start unraveling the knot, so nothings getting accomplished, which is putting me in a blue funk. arggggg. hate that. but, anyhoo, here's some of what's been going on in Sub World lol:
last week i was in one of our poorer buildings; i believe i've referred to it before. all students there are on free lunches. free lunches are determined by income levels. most of our buildings average about 15% free lunches, and another 10% on reduced lunches. have i mentioned that i live in an economically challenged area??? we used to be a booming area, til our industrial base moved out. we have pretty high unemployment right now. the building i was in is predominately hispanic-latino. out of twenty students in my class, fifteen were hispanic-latino, three were african-american, and two were caucasian.
at recess, the girls were discussing their hair (one had elaborate finger-waves, the other had intricate braids, and the rest had clean, well-kempt hair that included fancy barretts and hair doodles) i was standing just outside the conversation, so they ended up including me. i told them that i'd once had finger-curls, for a fancy-dress murder-mystery party. they were laughing at that, and talking about my hair, and how pretty it was. the one reaches up to my temple (where i have a LOT of grey) and says...."Miz C, you gonna dye this soon? coz you'd be real pretty if you got rid of the ick." *SNORT* you've gotta love kids that say exactly whats on their mind, really. and she realized that that might've been rude, so she said, "I didnt mean nothing by it, I just think you'd be real pretty if you don't look so old" ROFL....keep going, honey, that hole you're digging just isn't deep enough yet. i had to laugh, though, because i KNEW that she meant no harm. those girls take their hair SERIOUSLY and they were just giving me lil tips yanno. not really what i normally expect from fifth graders, but, what the heck......made me feel like one of the girls. ;)
last week i was in one of our poorer buildings; i believe i've referred to it before. all students there are on free lunches. free lunches are determined by income levels. most of our buildings average about 15% free lunches, and another 10% on reduced lunches. have i mentioned that i live in an economically challenged area??? we used to be a booming area, til our industrial base moved out. we have pretty high unemployment right now. the building i was in is predominately hispanic-latino. out of twenty students in my class, fifteen were hispanic-latino, three were african-american, and two were caucasian.
at recess, the girls were discussing their hair (one had elaborate finger-waves, the other had intricate braids, and the rest had clean, well-kempt hair that included fancy barretts and hair doodles) i was standing just outside the conversation, so they ended up including me. i told them that i'd once had finger-curls, for a fancy-dress murder-mystery party. they were laughing at that, and talking about my hair, and how pretty it was. the one reaches up to my temple (where i have a LOT of grey) and says...."Miz C, you gonna dye this soon? coz you'd be real pretty if you got rid of the ick." *SNORT* you've gotta love kids that say exactly whats on their mind, really. and she realized that that might've been rude, so she said, "I didnt mean nothing by it, I just think you'd be real pretty if you don't look so old" ROFL....keep going, honey, that hole you're digging just isn't deep enough yet. i had to laugh, though, because i KNEW that she meant no harm. those girls take their hair SERIOUSLY and they were just giving me lil tips yanno. not really what i normally expect from fifth graders, but, what the heck......made me feel like one of the girls. ;)
Friday, May 18, 2007
free and easy
ok, so today wasn't as much fun as yesterday. it was one of those days where i nearly felt guilty for getting paid, the day was soooo easy. i was once again covering teachers while they went to IEP and/or retention meetings. but the way the meetings worked out, the teachers weren't gone as long as scheduled, so we'd end up being in the room together. and of course, between music class, lunch, recess, and special activities, i didn't really have any teaching to do. of course, it balances out the days that i should get hazard pay...like when small children goose me during Circle Time lol.
and, one of the teachers gave me a certificate for a FREE credit hour to my uni! YAY!!!!! teachers get these certificates worth credit hours at the university or college of their student teachers. then, they turn around and sell them for cash. this teacher only had one credit hour, and hadn't been able to sell it, so she GAVE it to me. folks, that's about $500 worth of freebie. i just couldn't believe it. i kept asking if she was sure, and offering to pay her for it. wow. nothing like the kindness of strangers. i'm still flabbergasted. (i'd never met this teacher before in my life! we're in the same field, and were discussing my uni, and she just offered it to me!!!!) and, extremely grateful. wow.
and, one of the teachers gave me a certificate for a FREE credit hour to my uni! YAY!!!!! teachers get these certificates worth credit hours at the university or college of their student teachers. then, they turn around and sell them for cash. this teacher only had one credit hour, and hadn't been able to sell it, so she GAVE it to me. folks, that's about $500 worth of freebie. i just couldn't believe it. i kept asking if she was sure, and offering to pay her for it. wow. nothing like the kindness of strangers. i'm still flabbergasted. (i'd never met this teacher before in my life! we're in the same field, and were discussing my uni, and she just offered it to me!!!!) and, extremely grateful. wow.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
oh bite me
i took yesterday off, so that i could attend my son's senior project. he's graduating next week from our JVS (joint vocational school) in the Culinary Arts program. he'll be attending a local culinary school for college. yesterday, the seniors ran their restaurant. they picked a medieval menu. the food was ok, but i've been to several of their monthly Cafe's and, frankly, this wasn't their best effort. but it was Em's last Cafe in high school, so of course i had to be there.
today, tho, i was a floating sub in one of our preschool programs. i went from room to room to cover for the teachers while they attended IEP meetings. (individualized education plans/programs) i haven't taught preschool since mine were IN preschool, and my youngest is sixteen. do the math. lol. but, i really was just the warm body. each room has an ed assistant, and so i was just the warm body filling the legal requirement of a cert person in the room.
in the first room, there were two little guys who need an extra hand because they're very active. the one has only been at the school a week. and boy, is he cute, cute, cute...but he twists, turns, spins, rolls...constantly on the move. and sings. the entire time. so i was sitting on the carpet w/ him during Circle Time. he'd stand, i'd help him sit. he'd lean forwar to somersault, i'd gently pull him back. during one of our little gymnastic episodes, he put his mouth on my arm and bit. i flinched enough that he didnt break the skin. now, he wasnt doing it to be hateful. he's three, and is undiagnosed, but shows several symptoms of autism. while i was discouraging the biting, he managed to slip his hand under my skirt, and put his pudgy lil hand on the inside of my thigh.....and pinch. hard. of course, i yelped. and about flew off the carpet. then, i looked down, and he's lying with his head on my lap and looking up at me like i'm the best thing since sprinkles on his icecream. the lil flirt. i fell in love right then and there. and burst into giggles. i mean, when was the last time a three year old GOOSED you??? LOL
i might be totally twisted, but that was just a good day. i love the lil special ones. they just get me right by the heart, and don't let go. and, i get to do it again tomorrow! but, in a dif school. i hope its as much fun.........
today, tho, i was a floating sub in one of our preschool programs. i went from room to room to cover for the teachers while they attended IEP meetings. (individualized education plans/programs) i haven't taught preschool since mine were IN preschool, and my youngest is sixteen. do the math. lol. but, i really was just the warm body. each room has an ed assistant, and so i was just the warm body filling the legal requirement of a cert person in the room.
in the first room, there were two little guys who need an extra hand because they're very active. the one has only been at the school a week. and boy, is he cute, cute, cute...but he twists, turns, spins, rolls...constantly on the move. and sings. the entire time. so i was sitting on the carpet w/ him during Circle Time. he'd stand, i'd help him sit. he'd lean forwar to somersault, i'd gently pull him back. during one of our little gymnastic episodes, he put his mouth on my arm and bit. i flinched enough that he didnt break the skin. now, he wasnt doing it to be hateful. he's three, and is undiagnosed, but shows several symptoms of autism. while i was discouraging the biting, he managed to slip his hand under my skirt, and put his pudgy lil hand on the inside of my thigh.....and pinch. hard. of course, i yelped. and about flew off the carpet. then, i looked down, and he's lying with his head on my lap and looking up at me like i'm the best thing since sprinkles on his icecream. the lil flirt. i fell in love right then and there. and burst into giggles. i mean, when was the last time a three year old GOOSED you??? LOL
i might be totally twisted, but that was just a good day. i love the lil special ones. they just get me right by the heart, and don't let go. and, i get to do it again tomorrow! but, in a dif school. i hope its as much fun.........
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
to my teacher
this is a poem i wrote a few weeks ago, after working in another special ed room. a small boy in the room was isolated, because of behavioral issues. he wrote a letter to his teacher at the end of the day, as part of an assignment. the letter was a series of letters written right next to one another, no separations, no real words, no punctuation. it broke my heart. here's the poem:
to my teacher
written
in scrawling
sprawling
capital letters
big
and uneven
acrossthepage
a letter
allruntogether
nospacing
becauseidontknow
to leave space
toseparatethewords
like me
apart
and different
separate
and separated
distinguished
andindistinguishable
thewordsruntogether
blurred
by the tears in my teacher's eyes
to my teacher
written
in scrawling
sprawling
capital letters
big
and uneven
acrossthepage
a letter
allruntogether
nospacing
becauseidontknow
to leave space
toseparatethewords
like me
apart
and different
separate
and separated
distinguished
andindistinguishable
thewordsruntogether
blurred
by the tears in my teacher's eyes
call me Ed
today, i was in one of the Special Ed rooms in one of my district's two middle schools. these are seventh and eighth graders. the kids i had today range from moderate- to low-functioning CD (cognitively disabled) now, if you're not familiar with the concept, here's my POV: most of these kids end up in these classes because they just don't fit in other classes or groups. one of the things i've realized, working with these kids is that no matter who you are, you deserve respect. you deserve consideration. you have the right to your dignity.
i'm not going to claim that i'm the best substitute teacher ever, but once again, today, i listened to the story of a substitute teacher, one these kids had a few weeks ago in another class, who has no business even teaching, let along teaching these kids.
i don't care who you are, what your IQ is, what your economic status is.........you deserve to be treated like a human being. you don't deserve derision, or sarcasm, or a snotty attitude. and you certainly don't deserve it from your teacher.
the kids in the classroom i was teaching today are at considerable risk for dropping out of school and at best, becoming drains on society and at worst, becoming career criminals. statistics show us that students who are in these classes and in the Behavioral Disorders classes have an 85% chance of having a felony conviction before they are 21 years old.
so, maybe, by teaching these kids today that not all substitute teachers are ignorant morons who tease and taunt them; by giving them some of the drawings i made on my break and during lunch; by talking to them like they're humans.........maybe i made them think that school isn't such a bad place.
today, i once again thought to myself, yeah, i'm where i'm supposed to be. i AM a Speical Ed teacher.
so, because i'm sooooo SPECIAL, you can call me "Ed" hee hee
i'm not going to claim that i'm the best substitute teacher ever, but once again, today, i listened to the story of a substitute teacher, one these kids had a few weeks ago in another class, who has no business even teaching, let along teaching these kids.
i don't care who you are, what your IQ is, what your economic status is.........you deserve to be treated like a human being. you don't deserve derision, or sarcasm, or a snotty attitude. and you certainly don't deserve it from your teacher.
the kids in the classroom i was teaching today are at considerable risk for dropping out of school and at best, becoming drains on society and at worst, becoming career criminals. statistics show us that students who are in these classes and in the Behavioral Disorders classes have an 85% chance of having a felony conviction before they are 21 years old.
so, maybe, by teaching these kids today that not all substitute teachers are ignorant morons who tease and taunt them; by giving them some of the drawings i made on my break and during lunch; by talking to them like they're humans.........maybe i made them think that school isn't such a bad place.
today, i once again thought to myself, yeah, i'm where i'm supposed to be. i AM a Speical Ed teacher.
so, because i'm sooooo SPECIAL, you can call me "Ed" hee hee
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