you don't need to bother

occasionally i go braindead and can't think of a thing to post....yeah, it's a little like me being struck mute; doesn't happen often. i've just got things on my mind. nothing earth shattering, just stuff i'm still processing. i'll spill when i figure it out right in my brain. in the meantime, here are the lyrics to one of my fave songs, "Bother" by Stonesour. i'm not by any means a slipknot fan, but i dig on stonesour. corey taylor is HOT. yeah. that man's voice........mmmmhhhhmmmm. so, here are the lyrics. and if you've not heard it, pop over to yahoo and check out the vid. it's cool

BOTHER

Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater

You dont need to bother;
I dont need to be
Ill keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I wont let go til it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
My flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

You dont need to bother;
I dont need to be
Ill keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I wont let go til it bleeds

(solo: corey)

Wish Id died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
With its memories
Diaries left
With cryptic entries

And you dont need to bother;
I dont need to be
Ill keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I wont let go til it bleeds

You dont need to bother;
I dont need to be
Ill keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
Ill never live down my deceit

yesterday seems like a dream.........

today.......today there was no time for boredom. i was at the mercy of eleven small people.....who had previously been reared by wolves. you would think that because i'm bigger and i know more, i'd be in charge. that's a serious fallacy perpetuated by the other adults so that you never realize how out of control they all really are. yesterday's boredom seems like some sort of faint, distant dream. fortunately, none of the children i had today had duct tape on them.......nor did i.....so, the day was successful. but, it reaffirms my suspicions: kindergarten is really a view of what hell on earth might be like, and really, it ain't for me.

for no particular reason, i'm going to post another one of my pics from yesterday's attempt to save my sanity from the boredom. this is my fat little hand. you'll be seeing a lot of it in the future. embrace it. adore it. admire it. be one with my hand.

how bored can one person be????

pretty flippin bored, actually. i don't think i've got the words to describe how bored i was today. i was subbing in a CD (cognitively disabled) class today, in history/government. the kids were great, but they were watching "Saving Private Ryan" so i was pretty much just a warm body. and, i've never seen Private Ryan....just not my type of movie, and i don't really care much for Tom Hanks. today, i got to see the same forty-five minutes of the stupid movie.....four times. ack! and, i had a prep period and a free period during which i was supposed to be team teaching but the other teach sent me on my way because the kids were working on the computers today. so, the long and the short of it was that i had lots of time to fill. and i filled it the usual way......i drew. a lot. :) i won't bore you with all of them (there are several) but here are a few.............







the color didn't transfer so well on this one, but its still sorta cool.

i don't know why i'm into circles and ovals right now, but apparently i'm finding them soothing :) i guess there's a zen quality to them.

well, off to read some more.........and then, i'm gonna go to bed early tonight. all that inactivity wore me out.

Peace!

cake walk

i only worked half a day today. i spent the afternoon in a fourth grade classroom. i sub a lot in this building. i worked there for two years, in the Visual Impaired unit, so i know the teachers, the building, many of the students....but, i'd never subbed in this classroom before. the teach left a math packet, and i was confident that it would occupy them for the afternoon...... here i thought it was gonna be an easy afternoon..........hahaha.....no chance of that. lets review: during indoor recess (it was raining outside, of course) a girl, we'll call her Em, came up to me and showed me her wallet, and started to count the money in it. she got to forty, when i said to her, "Honey, you shouldnt have that kind of money here. Put it away before someone sees it. And don't tell anyone you have it." soon after, the kids switched rooms, and we started math. about half way through, one girl, we'll call her Sheila, came up to me and handed me a note she said she found on the floor. with her was a girl we'll call Kathy. I started to just put the note on the desk and not worry bout, til Sheila made a remark that made me take a look. the note said, "i love you so f*****g much, from ?" i sent them back to their desks, and headed across the hall to talk to the other 4th gr teacher. sigh. she told me what to do about the note: send them to the office with a referral and let the principal sort it out. i get back to the classroom, and line them up to go to computer lab. a girl comes up to me and says that she just checked her backpack and her wallet is missing, along with $80 her grandma gave her for her bday. i asked what the wallet looked like........yeah, you guessed it. same wallet. good news? sorting this shit out is NOT in my job description. :) i know, i'm a chicken but i just did NOT want to be the one who would figure out whose wallet it is, and who wrote the note.

so.....a day that i assumed would be cake turned out to be trying. as a result, i was exhausted, and bout goofy. i went to kickboxing looking like crap and feeling worse. i did beat the junk outta the bag tho. there's something very satisfying bout that sort of workout. i love the feeling of being hot and sweaty after a good workout. i had my protein shake, which i love, and came home to watch Lost. ( I LOVE THAT SHOW) my friends chm and blu and i conf on yim while we watch the show. we make predictions and smart ass comments......lots of fun. if you don't watch a show with a friend like that, try it some time. good times.

thats pretty much my day.....i'm going to read a bit before bed.

another day in the salt mines

i'm running a day behind on my posts, so don't get confused that this says wednesday morning for post time but talks about Tuesday. eventually i'll get caught up........or not :)

yesterday was another one of those days where i had free time on my hands. study halls, prep times, my lunch. i worked on the project from hell that was due last night....sad that i was still finishing it tuesday morning. of course, i couldn't get the stupid thing to print at work, so i had to email it to myself, dash home, print the last section to finish it, and dash to class. i was late....of course.

but at work, my day went well, and i had time to draw. the kids (special education, moderate to intensive cognitive disabilities....so they were all mobile, but at seventh/eighth grade, they were all cognitively equivalent to first/second graders) were fun, and they LOVED my drawings. i was told they were "tight". one girl said it'd make a great tattoo. hee hee, i'll get right on that.



after work, as i said, i had to run home and print out the last section of the project: a resource book giving useful definitions and descriptions of the classifications of special ed, disabilities, and modifications/accomodations for those disabiliites. it wouldn't have been a bad project, except that first, i procrastinated and did it pretty much sunday night. and second, i would've started earlier, but i began working on the wrong project. i have the same assignment for both of my classes, but with different topics required for each manual. here i was sunday working on the binder for my other class, only to realize its not due for two more weeks and i hadn't even begun the one that was due Tues. it turned out to be relatively simple. the prof had pretty much spoonfed us the info, so that all i had to do was cut and paste and format the info to what i wanted.

i made the 45 min drive to school, went to both of my classes, and made the return trip. i was tired by the time i got home at 9:45 last night. it makes for a LONG day, going to two classes back to back like that. the alternative tho, is to kill two different days. i'm not sure which is worse, really.

it was a good day....just another day in the salt mines, but uneventful for the most part. i like those days..............

a day in the life...........

.....of ME!!!!

A friend of mine suggested that I blog about my day, from start to finish. I think it might be summed up in one word: YAWN. hee hee. but, wth, here it goes........in painful detail, a day in the life of me.

5:30a......the alarm goes off.....i roll over and totally ignore the stupid thing.....alarm....smack...repeat.....alarm.....smack.......repeat.......alarm.........all right already!

5:45a......make my first attempt at waking the teen daughter, Princess Ann, toddle out to the sofa, and crash, pulling the throw blanket over my head. hubby makes coffee and takes a turn trying to wake the Princess (a totally sarcastic nickname for a rocker chick....but she can be one)

6:00a.....pry the second eye open and pour the first cuppa, heavy on the cream........yell down the hall to Princess to see if she's bothered to get up and get ready for school

6:20a.....leave with the teen daughter, and pick up my niece....head them off to school. drop them off,(because i'm a loving, nurturing mom, i send them off with "get the hell outta the car and have a nice day!") turn round and head back home

7:00a.....get home, wake the second kid up, the teen boy. Moose is a senior, and counting the days til graduation. he's 6'1", 230 lbs of male, and can be a total pain in the ass, especially in the morning......he hates to get up...none of us are really morning people...well, hubby is, but he's the odd man out, and the rest of us ignore him. as the teen son is getting ready, i'm getting dressed for work.

7:30.....it's never a good sign when your boss calls you, and starts the convo with a nervous laugh, and "i'm gonna really owe you one......" grrrrrrrrrr. i'm a substitute teacher, so i go wherever they send me. i work for a relatively large urban district. we have thirteen elementary buildings, including the kindergarten center, two junior highs, a freshman school, and the senior high. so far, i've been to all but three of our buildings. that's about to change, apparently, because i'm subbing for an art teacher who splits her time between the kindergarten center and one of the elementaries. i've never been to either of them before today.

7:40a.....leave the house with Moose(aka Em...depending on our mood and his general disposition), drop him off at the JVS. he's a culinary arts major at the local joint vocational school, which isn't far from the house. i have some time before i have to be at work, because today, i'm teaching at the kindergarten center in the morning, and one of the elementary schools in the afternoon. since i've got some time, i'm going to head to my mother's and have another cup of coffee. my sis is usually there, and we get to visit for about twenty minutes before i have to head to work.

8:45.......i'm running late....this is my first time in this building, and i don't know what the routine is, or if i'll have morning duty, but i couldn't find the stupid school. my boss gave me directions, but instead of writing them down i tried to rely on my lousy memory. bad plan. and, the part of town i was in was all one way streets going the wrong way, and crazy roads that dead end at one street, only to start up again three blocks later. arggggg! here's my directional tip tho: if you can see the funky neon yellow "school crossing" signs, you're within a couple of blocks of the school. and if worst comes to worst, ask the crossing guard. :) i've had to do that a couple of times when going to a building for the first time.

good news! the students don't even get there til 9: 15 and my first class isn't until 9:30. WHEW! bad news: there are no lesson plans and i'm faced with the prospect of amusing 4 classes of kindergartners for half an hour each, without letting chaos reign. huh. well, there are ALWAYS crayons. :) fortunately, the art teacher i'm subbing for has called in and suggested that because the kids went on a field trip to the zoo Friday, we might want to draw pictures of their favorite animal from their visit. GOOD IDEA!

i spoke to the teachers whose classes i would be having, just introducing myself to them in the hallway, and checking on what i needed to bring with me to class. when i walked into the second classroom, i discovered that the teacher had explained that they were having a sub and that she had spoken to me already. she must have given me a resounding endorsement, because as i walked in, one little boy said, "She IS pretty!!!!" yes, darling little boy, you are now my favorite. help yourself to candy. LOL. the art classes went well, everyone drawing their pictures of an animal they saw from the zoo. of course, one little boy drew a gas tanker GOING to the zoo. i reminded him that he was to draw his favorite animal. he drew monkeys climbing on the tanker. close enough. and one little girl pouted because she wanted to draw a horse, NOT an animal at the zoo. i suggest she draw a zebra because it was a striped horse. she decided zebras were stupid. i reminded her of the directions and walked away. she drew a zebra. :) of course, while i was in the integrated classroom (that is one that has many students with special needs, but also has typical, or regular education, students) we had a fire drill, followed by a tornado drill. :) glad i wasn't alone in the room. a couple of the teachers and aides were still in there. WHEW! i can't imagine having to direct 23 students of varying physical and cognitive levels on a fire drill in a strange school by myself. YIKES!

11:30 i've survived the kinders and they've survived me. time to have lunch (i treated myself to Burger King....horrible for me, all sorts of fat and calories, but boy are Whoppers nummy) and then checked in with the teacher for whom i was subbing. she wanted to discuss what i was going to do at the elementary school in the afternoon. we decided that since it was April, i'd have the kids do pictures of "April showers bring May flowers". when in doubt, fall back on a seasonal theme.

12:40 lost again. yanno, two new buildings in one day is a little much for anyone. and they aren't far apart....you just can't get there from here. so, i drove round the neighborhood looking for the street that was actually going in the right direction. i ran into the school, getting funny looks as i make a mad dash for the office. and of course, there's only one person in the office, and a hundred things going on. luckily, another teacher takes pity on me and walks me to the art room. good thing, coz in this rabbit warren, i'd never find it on my own. i left a trail of breadcrumbs to find my way back to the office at the end of the day.

usually, i have my briefcase with me, and during prep times or lunch, i work on something for school. i'm in grad school, earning my licensure and masters in special ed, moderate to intensive disabilities. but i didn't think i'd have any downtime today, so i didn't bring my books. when i'm bored, i write or i draw. during my prep today, i got some colored pencils out and started doodling. as the kids were working on their pictures, once the class settled in, i kept doodling. the kids were fascinated by my drawing. i love little kids and their commentaries and compliments, "You're a GREAT drawer!" thanks! you're my new favorite! lol. the day went well, and i zipped off to grab Princess from track practice and head home to work on the project that is due on Tuesday for school. and here's what i created in school today:



Evening: Mondays and Wednesdays, i do cardio kickboxing at the local Y. it's taught by my besty, Karen. i've been doing it for about three years now, and its an awesome form of exercise. we lift weights first (shoulders, back and chest), then have class, then we lift for legs after class...tho i can often talk Karen out of legs :) Monday is also Heroes. it's one of only two shows, the other being Lost, that i watch with any regularity. its not that i don't like TV...its just that i've gotten out of the habit of watching it. i used to have to fight the family for the TV, and between school and kids activities, i always seemed to miss the shows that i liked. but now the kids are older, they have TVs in their rooms and one in the family room, so Monday hubby and i watch Heroes and Wednesday the world stops while i drool over Jack, Sawyer, Sawyer, and Desmond on their island.

so, that is the day in the life of ME! i doubt i'll be that detailed from now on. i'll try to just comment on the fun, the cool, or the crazy. but this first day deserved to be detailed (even if it is being written on Tuesday instead of Monday :) )

Johnny, tell us what's behind Door Number Two....

On all those game shows, there's always an announcer who, in a great, BIG voice, calls the contestants' names, and says something like, "COME ON DOWN"........and the contestant, all excited and wiggly, runs down the studio steps, hoping not to break her neck on national TV. Then she goes through whatever silly game she's playing, and at the end is given a choice....Three doors......and she wavers, not sure which one is going to have THE PRIZE behind it. And she looks to the audience, and she looks to the host, and finally, she picks a door.........and the announcer man tells her what prizes are behind each of the doors. I figure, in life, Door Number One is Reality. Its the stuff you get every day. Door Number Two is that place that is surreal...it's neither good nor bad, just doesn't bear the pressure of daily life: it's not real, and has no bearing on reality. Door Number Three, always the last door, hides all the uncertainties of life. Its the door used to keep all the unpleasant stuff at bay.

Door Number One, real life can be tough. Fun, but full of stress and crap and deadlines and pressure and love and anger and dreams and fantasies......the whole gamut of emotions and experiences, if you're very lucky.

Door Number Two is the place you escape from all those realities. It's the place you unwind, shoot the shit, blab to all your friends, lie in the dewy grass under a starry sky as it fades to sunrise. Here is where you talk about all the things behind Door Number One, and all the things you're grateful to have escaped and avoided behind Door Number Three.

Door Number Three is that door that holds all the stuff you were hoping to avoid behind Door Number One. It's the unopened bills and the whining child and the teacher on the phone and the dog that is apparently NOT house broken. It's the door you're hoping to avoid.......forever.

So, you've left Door Number One behind, and you know better than to choose Door Number Three.....Welcome to Door Number Two

What the World Needs Now...........

It's funny how often I think in song lyrics and quotes from books, movies, and poems. Sometimes, its one of those natural progressions from something said or done to a common line or lyric. Other times, its like the words get stuck in my head, coloring everything I say and do. As I begin my blog on here, I keep hearing, "What the world needs now, is another BLOOOOG, like I need a hole in the head"........hmmmm, maybe I should begin listening to those inner voices.............naaaaaaaaaaaaah.