a horse is a horse, of course, of course....

unless your name is "Ed" and you're just a horse's ass.

i worked with a real idjut yesterday. i was subbing at one of the middle schools...7th and 8th grade, Special Education class. my first period i did inclusion with another sub, whose name was Ed. i'm sure he had a last name, but he never introduced himself to me, even when i intro'd myself. someone told me what his first name was later. so he greets me at the door, i explain who i am and who i'm subbing for. he shows me the lesson plans, mumbling the whole time bout "not wanting to glue and cut and paste" and announces we're going to go with his alternative lesson plans. those entail watching the original movie version of "Hercules". yeah. that really matches the lesson plans of rotating groups, one of which reads to themselves, the other works on the computer reading program, and the third works with the teacher on a poem created by cutting out words and phrases from the newspaper and gluing them (gluesticks not liquid glue, btw) on paper. how tough can THAT be???? not very, really. i tried to explain the process to Ed. but he cut me off. he just would NOT listen.

but, Ed couldnt get the VCR working, so he had to go ask for help. well somewhere along the way, someone told the office that he was watching a movie because the teacher hadn't left lesson plans. the teacher was in the building in a meeting. she came FLYING into the classroom, threw a box across the room, and demanded to know why we weren't following her lesson plans. i just raised my eyebrows and mouthed, "He's an idiot" yeah, so not professional, but whatever. she'd just thrown a box at the man, and he was stuttering his stupid excuse for watching a movie. the teacher leaves after her hissy fit, which included turning off the TV and shoving the lesson plans in his face. he looks at me, still sputtering. one of the kids made a smart comment bout the whole thing. i said, "as clever and amusing as that was, it's not appropriate. ok, everybody go to their rotations." and in five minutes, the class was doing what they were supposed to be doing. Ed looks at me and says, "You didn't tell me you knew what we were supposed to do." "Well, I tried. But, this is your classroom, and I'm the inclusion teacher. I'm not going to override you in your own classroom." "WHY DIDNT YOU SAY ANYTHING???" i was SO proud of myself, i did NOT raise my voice. instead, i said, "I tried to tell you, but you cut me off."

now, part of me had felt sorry for Ed. until he tried to blame me. and furthermore, he never thanked me for getting his class back on track. then, we ran into one another at lunch, and he told me that the rest of his classes weren't as good as the first class. and they just didn't "get the assignment". he went on to say that Hercules would have been a lot more useful than what they were doing. turns out that his movie, and he takes it with him, so that when he doesnt like the lesson plans, he can use that as his "alternative". sheeesh. you, Ed, are what give substitutes a lousy name.

and, yes, i know that working with idiots is inevitable. but i do NOT have to like it. :)

eight days a week...........

okay, so its been eleven since i've posted. my brain has definitely fried. i'm in one of those funky places in life where i've got so much going on, i can't decide where to start unraveling the knot, so nothings getting accomplished, which is putting me in a blue funk. arggggg. hate that. but, anyhoo, here's some of what's been going on in Sub World lol:

last week i was in one of our poorer buildings; i believe i've referred to it before. all students there are on free lunches. free lunches are determined by income levels. most of our buildings average about 15% free lunches, and another 10% on reduced lunches. have i mentioned that i live in an economically challenged area??? we used to be a booming area, til our industrial base moved out. we have pretty high unemployment right now. the building i was in is predominately hispanic-latino. out of twenty students in my class, fifteen were hispanic-latino, three were african-american, and two were caucasian.

at recess, the girls were discussing their hair (one had elaborate finger-waves, the other had intricate braids, and the rest had clean, well-kempt hair that included fancy barretts and hair doodles) i was standing just outside the conversation, so they ended up including me. i told them that i'd once had finger-curls, for a fancy-dress murder-mystery party. they were laughing at that, and talking about my hair, and how pretty it was. the one reaches up to my temple (where i have a LOT of grey) and says...."Miz C, you gonna dye this soon? coz you'd be real pretty if you got rid of the ick." *SNORT* you've gotta love kids that say exactly whats on their mind, really. and she realized that that might've been rude, so she said, "I didnt mean nothing by it, I just think you'd be real pretty if you don't look so old" ROFL....keep going, honey, that hole you're digging just isn't deep enough yet. i had to laugh, though, because i KNEW that she meant no harm. those girls take their hair SERIOUSLY and they were just giving me lil tips yanno. not really what i normally expect from fifth graders, but, what the heck......made me feel like one of the girls. ;)

free and easy

ok, so today wasn't as much fun as yesterday. it was one of those days where i nearly felt guilty for getting paid, the day was soooo easy. i was once again covering teachers while they went to IEP and/or retention meetings. but the way the meetings worked out, the teachers weren't gone as long as scheduled, so we'd end up being in the room together. and of course, between music class, lunch, recess, and special activities, i didn't really have any teaching to do. of course, it balances out the days that i should get hazard pay...like when small children goose me during Circle Time lol.

and, one of the teachers gave me a certificate for a FREE credit hour to my uni! YAY!!!!! teachers get these certificates worth credit hours at the university or college of their student teachers. then, they turn around and sell them for cash. this teacher only had one credit hour, and hadn't been able to sell it, so she GAVE it to me. folks, that's about $500 worth of freebie. i just couldn't believe it. i kept asking if she was sure, and offering to pay her for it. wow. nothing like the kindness of strangers. i'm still flabbergasted. (i'd never met this teacher before in my life! we're in the same field, and were discussing my uni, and she just offered it to me!!!!) and, extremely grateful. wow.

oh bite me

i took yesterday off, so that i could attend my son's senior project. he's graduating next week from our JVS (joint vocational school) in the Culinary Arts program. he'll be attending a local culinary school for college. yesterday, the seniors ran their restaurant. they picked a medieval menu. the food was ok, but i've been to several of their monthly Cafe's and, frankly, this wasn't their best effort. but it was Em's last Cafe in high school, so of course i had to be there.

today, tho, i was a floating sub in one of our preschool programs. i went from room to room to cover for the teachers while they attended IEP meetings. (individualized education plans/programs) i haven't taught preschool since mine were IN preschool, and my youngest is sixteen. do the math. lol. but, i really was just the warm body. each room has an ed assistant, and so i was just the warm body filling the legal requirement of a cert person in the room.

in the first room, there were two little guys who need an extra hand because they're very active. the one has only been at the school a week. and boy, is he cute, cute, cute...but he twists, turns, spins, rolls...constantly on the move. and sings. the entire time. so i was sitting on the carpet w/ him during Circle Time. he'd stand, i'd help him sit. he'd lean forwar to somersault, i'd gently pull him back. during one of our little gymnastic episodes, he put his mouth on my arm and bit. i flinched enough that he didnt break the skin. now, he wasnt doing it to be hateful. he's three, and is undiagnosed, but shows several symptoms of autism. while i was discouraging the biting, he managed to slip his hand under my skirt, and put his pudgy lil hand on the inside of my thigh.....and pinch. hard. of course, i yelped. and about flew off the carpet. then, i looked down, and he's lying with his head on my lap and looking up at me like i'm the best thing since sprinkles on his icecream. the lil flirt. i fell in love right then and there. and burst into giggles. i mean, when was the last time a three year old GOOSED you??? LOL

i might be totally twisted, but that was just a good day. i love the lil special ones. they just get me right by the heart, and don't let go. and, i get to do it again tomorrow! but, in a dif school. i hope its as much fun.........

to my teacher

this is a poem i wrote a few weeks ago, after working in another special ed room. a small boy in the room was isolated, because of behavioral issues. he wrote a letter to his teacher at the end of the day, as part of an assignment. the letter was a series of letters written right next to one another, no separations, no real words, no punctuation. it broke my heart. here's the poem:



to my teacher

written
in scrawling
sprawling
capital letters
big
and uneven
acrossthepage
a letter
allruntogether
nospacing
becauseidontknow
to leave space
toseparatethewords
like me
apart
and different
separate
and separated
distinguished
andindistinguishable
thewordsruntogether
blurred
by the tears in my teacher's eyes

call me Ed

today, i was in one of the Special Ed rooms in one of my district's two middle schools. these are seventh and eighth graders. the kids i had today range from moderate- to low-functioning CD (cognitively disabled) now, if you're not familiar with the concept, here's my POV: most of these kids end up in these classes because they just don't fit in other classes or groups. one of the things i've realized, working with these kids is that no matter who you are, you deserve respect. you deserve consideration. you have the right to your dignity.

i'm not going to claim that i'm the best substitute teacher ever, but once again, today, i listened to the story of a substitute teacher, one these kids had a few weeks ago in another class, who has no business even teaching, let along teaching these kids.

i don't care who you are, what your IQ is, what your economic status is.........you deserve to be treated like a human being. you don't deserve derision, or sarcasm, or a snotty attitude. and you certainly don't deserve it from your teacher.

the kids in the classroom i was teaching today are at considerable risk for dropping out of school and at best, becoming drains on society and at worst, becoming career criminals. statistics show us that students who are in these classes and in the Behavioral Disorders classes have an 85% chance of having a felony conviction before they are 21 years old.

so, maybe, by teaching these kids today that not all substitute teachers are ignorant morons who tease and taunt them; by giving them some of the drawings i made on my break and during lunch; by talking to them like they're humans.........maybe i made them think that school isn't such a bad place.

today, i once again thought to myself, yeah, i'm where i'm supposed to be. i AM a Speical Ed teacher.

so, because i'm sooooo SPECIAL, you can call me "Ed" hee hee

sure, they're cute and all......

i subbed in a kindergarten room today. sure, they're cute and all, but there's nineteen of them...and one of me. but let me tell you some of the things i love about kindergarteners:

• the more mom-ish you look, the prettier they think you are.
• they don't really care where you bought your clothes; its more important that you don't fuss at them when they put their grubby little hands on you.
• they don't realize that you're smart because you have the teacher's maual...they think it's all you.
• they've not been taught yet that its not okay for boys to hold boys' hands and girls to hold girls' hands....they're just friends, and that's what friends do, after all.
• you really never have to wonder what's on their minds; they're usually pretty willing to tell you. and usually at the top of their little lungs. :)
• give them an open space to run and play, and they're really very happy.

some of the things i don't love about kidnergarteners:

• not all of them have quite mastered the technique of blowing their noses. they prefer picking them. and wiping it somewhere. just before you put your hand there.
• many of their sentences, especially to a substitute teacher begin with, "you're sposed to.........."
• they can love you and hate you all within about two minutes, and sometimes forget to tell you which it is.
• no matter how often you suggest they should use the bathroom, the minute you get outside, or on a bus, or in line for the bus, they realize they "have to goooooo"

having said all that, it was a good day. i couldn't quite figure out the teacher's lesson plans at first. turns out, i'm an idiot. she had everything in a basket for me, and had i just gone through it a little more carefully, i would have had the "patterning our pets" worksheet. but i didn't, so we did the letter "Q" in the morning, and "patterning our pets" in the afternoon. i'm pretty sure it didn't scar any of them for life. :)

the downside to this assignment? there were several teachers out today with a nasty stomach virus. apparently, they were the last to succumb.....everyone else in the building had already had it last week. my chances of having caught the bug are pretty high. gee, and all that just so i can earn my piddly daily wage???? add that to the list of benes, really. lol.

Monday, Monday...can't trust that day......

Monday found me in the Emotionally Disturbed (ED) room of one of my district's poorer schools. Every child in the school qualifies for free breakfasts and lunches. That is a poor school.

I've been in the school many times, and in this room several times before. But since I've been there a couple of months ago, they'd gotten a couple of new students, transfers in from other programs in the school.

Now, before I go into all my deets about the day, let me say this: Its a tough room, no doubt. I come home tired, def. BUT I also find the kids, at least most of them, very endearing. And heart-rending. Between the poverty level, and the emotional and behavioral issues, these kids are signed on as statistics. They're gonna be headlines if we don't help them get what they need.

And I'm not sure how well we're doing, really.

I've got stories..........I'd love to tell you all about the kids, both the funny and the heartrending. But I'm too tired right now. Tomorrow........tomorrow I'll tell you all about how sweet, and sad, and wonderful, and horrible it all was..............

helluva week

Monday, Tuesday, Thursday I taught in an ED room (Emotionally Disturbed) in one of our poorer schools. I've been in this room several times before. I spent a week there a couple of months ago. I've gotta tell you, that if there is one thing that can make me feel incompetent, it would be working in this classroom. There aren't that many children, maybe seven at the most, at any given time. But they have so many issues. And they're all different. One of the biggest problems is that I don't know them well enough to know what their flashpoints are. I'm quieter and more reserved in this room. I'm also more laid back, taking my cues from the Educational Assistant. The problem with that is, I get a serious "You're a freaking idiot" vibe from her. Maybe I'm wrong. I must be wrong. Because I'm told that she's very complimentary about me. I keep getting asked back, after all.

Yet, I feel as if she and I are working against one another. I don't know...mebbe I'm reading too much into things. But I feel as if I have to justify myself to her sometimes. She has a tendency to just walk over me. *sigh* Fortunately, my ego is pretty healthy; I don't have a need to do the whole "I am the teacher, you must listen to me" crap that I see other teaches and subs do. That is NOT me. but, please, if you work with me, give me some credit. I'm a reasonably intelligent person. I follow directions.......I can be taught. TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED ME TO DO! *banging head on desk. and please, quit freaking patronizing me. I'm doing my best. I've been working Spec. Ed a long time. This ain't my first big job. You must not think I'm too horrible: I keep coming back to your room.

But, that might be a case of "better the devil you know". *sigh* Oh, well.

and they're off............

the Derby yesterday was amazing! wow! i couldn't believe that Street Sense was able to come back from 19th place. and that jockey was hilarious. a lil cajun, i could barely understand what he was saying, but i still thought he was adorable. cute, cute, cute. and congratulations to him and his.

okay, THAT was a new one......

i work for one district, but i sub in any/all of the schools. we tend to refer to them as buildings rather than schools, because they include the preschool, kindergarten center, alternative education opportunities, etc. about every other week i get a split day, where i start at either the freshman building or on of the junior highs and finish up at an elementary school. it means i get a long break, generally from 10:30 til i have to arrive at the school at noon. sounds great, doesnt it? the trade off is that i start at 7:00a and finish at 4p, so its a long day.

so today i started at the freshman building, in a Life Skills class. pretty much they put kids in Life Skills when they're just hoping to keep them occupied because they don't have any real interest in school. not my fave class, obviously. i used my long break to hit a little diner in town that i love. great greasy spoon breaky at 10:30 to tide me over. then, i went over to one of my fave elementaries and finished up the day. but today was a "free day" because they'd been testing all week, and the kids and teachers were all fried from the stress.

i hate free days.

let me just sum up the day by repeating something i'd never been told before: "you're not a teacher. you're a S.U.B. ......the REAL teacher will be back tomorrow." yeah. well, na na na na poo poo to you too. sheeeeesh. then, another kid comes up to me and says, "i don't know why everyone hates you. i think you're nice." uh huh. well, aren't you cute??? you're over here because......???? right, because no one in the class is talking to you because you're HATEFUL??? yeah, that's it.

so, it was just one of those days. i'm whipped. i'm gonna hit all my fave blogs and forums, climb into a hot bath and curl up with a trashy novel and fall asleep with the light on.......sounds heavenly.

time flies

WoW...it's TUESDAY!!! and i've not posted since SUNDAY!!!! The last few days have been wacko. Just so much going on. Kubota dropped the transmission. For those of you unfamiliar, its a brand of lawn mower...big and orange, lots of power and a nice wide mower deck. And not cheap to fix. I might have to sell the hubby's golf clubs........hee hee. That pretty much kicked Sunday in the ass, frankly. I was only one third of the way through mowing....which means by the time we get the stupid thing back from the shop, the grass'll be bout knee high. Wonder where I could get a couple of goats.....????

Yesterday was one of those days where I split my day between two schools. That meant that I was running into the building, nuking my lunch in the break room and inhaling it while the kids had their last couple of mins of recess. Grrrrrrrrrr. But hey, at least I worked that day. Most don't get to work during Test Week. I should consider myself lucky, and I do. I hate Test Week. Its long and boring and annoying and the kids are stressed. I spent yesterday and today administering tests to Special Ed kids. Have no idea yet what I'm doing tomorrow. I do know that I'm going to be early tonight....doing nothing exhausts me. :)